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PREPARE THE TROOPS WE RIDE OUT TONIGHT
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ALWAYS WASH YOUR WIENER
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I'M TAKING THE CAT DON'T TRY TO STOP ME
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I REEEEAAAALLLYYY LOVE TO SWEEP!
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The first time... You curled your own hair
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Summer is coming ... CRAP
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Hillary Clinton ... Meal Deal, 2 fat thighs, 2 small breasts & a bunch of left wings!
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When your beach towel is from Costco
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Hello from the other side. I must've meowed a thousand times.
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When you sit down in the salon chair in your plastic cape after a shampoo & you wonder if u always been this ugly
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I was at the airport, i sniffed a suitcase... that's the last thing i remember.
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Music taste so good... WONDERZ if mom buy, insteadz of awful cheap cat food
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Can't come to work. I'm totally snowed in.
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Honey, did you let the cat in last night? No, I thought you did.
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This is funny, because it's not mine!
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Summer has me LIKE:
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Hey cat. Imma boop your head. "Boop" LOL!
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Invite daddy to the pool they said. It will be fun they said.
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A physicist and a biologist had a relationship, but there was no chemistry.
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How to get your kids to give you a back massage.
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" I know i've been an asshole most of my life, but I need your help "
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Kevin Bacon ... Wake up to the strength to endure a lifetime of BACON jokes.
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Economic Crisis ... Even National Geographic is cutting back.
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Robbin Williams ... Most of all, i want to thank my father up there ... the man who said when i wanted to be an actor ...
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What do you mean " not a toy "? What else could you possibly use it for?
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We're all mature until someone pulls out the bubble wrap.
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Moving ... The hardest part is getting everything to fit into a box.
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Real men do it in one trip.
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That moment you realize your car has the same wheels as your trash can.
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Look at us, it's cold, it's wet, we're doing our best to look adorable:
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Well, it's not exactly cookies for Santa, but ... Share if this made you smile :}
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I saw her standing there and i told her she had three beautiful children.
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Someone tore up the garbage. On an unrelated note, I'm out of food!
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I deserve a nice house. I still feel empty. Maybe the cat's right : I should buy a boat.
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The best way to keep the street clean.
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If people were influenced by video games, then the majority of FaceBook users would be FARMERS by now.
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Say JAZZ is elevator music again. I dare you!
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No one takes my squeeky toy ... And lives
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Get ready, here comes the mailman.
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Patience, Grasshopper. let the mailman come to YOU.
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