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Shopping rule #3 Don't buy if it's not your size, just cuz it's on sale!
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By FartInvite
Cat hair on everything. My job here is finished!
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By FartInvite
Mom left shoppin list fur dad. I jus addz a few fings. hmmm... cheezy poofs, toona, katnipz, meeces peeces.
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By FartInvite
I don't know what it is, but it's on sale!
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Spike away, a vest that helps protect your personal space in public.
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I tried looking at the bright side of life. It hurt my eyes!
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By FartInvite
Let me eat you
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Oh you went skydiving today? That's cute!
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Now... I seen em do this.. But there was lots of fast food, they said. Wonder how fast? I'm pretty quick!
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By FartInvite
Go mountain biking they said. It'll be fun they said.
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Rock climbing. It's not a hobby... it's a Zombie - Apocalypse life skill.
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By FartInvite
Sorry i missed your call... On top of some crazy mountain LOL
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By FartInvite
Climb the mountain they said. It will be fun they said.
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By FartInvite
For my wife, I climbed the highest mountains and swam the deepest seas, but she left me for never being home.
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By FartInvite
OH MY...Madam Crooked Hillary Unity, Togetherness... more than WE both bargained for?!!?
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By FartInvite
They said i could be anything, so i became a mountain man artist.
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By FartInvite
I hate when people say they're "Expecting" a baby like "We're expecting a baby, but it could be a Velociraptor."
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By FartInvite
"Yes, I'm enjoying the deck. Just what the hell are you going to do about it, hmmm?"
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By FartInvite
I can't clean because i get distracted by all the cool stuff i find.
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By FartInvite
I have to get up and move to stay in the sun spot.
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All of this is mine. I just have to pee on it first.
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Epic FacePlant in 0.5 seconds
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Spends hours climbing mountain with incredible view. Immediately checks Facebook!
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What's your greatest weakness? Coming up with a decent answer to the greatest weakness question.
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Job interview! How not to dress.
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Sometimes you're not ugly, you're just poor...
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Who says double dates aren't fun?
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By FartInvite
Weekend Shopping List:
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By FartInvite
The internet has officially ruined me...
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By FartInvite
BALLOONS ARE SO WEIRD...
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By FartInvite
When you're trying to hang with your boys, but you got responsibilities
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Looking in the mirror at night after skipping gym and destroying a pizza
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ITS TOO FRIDAY FOR THIS SHIT.
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By FartInvite
I'M A MOM. I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE LAZY AND BRALESS WHENEVER I FIND THE TIME TO BE.
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By FartInvite
You have exactly three seconds... to explain why you woke me.
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Pickup line for old people: Hey baby you better call life , because I've fallen for you and can't get up
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By FartInvite
Did you fart? Because you blew me away
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By FartInvite
Hey, Lady need your server wiped?
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By FartInvite
If you would stop asking I could stop lying.
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By FartInvite
KFC Hillary Special - 2 FAT thighs, 2 small breasts ... left wing! I still hate commies even after they changed their name to liberals!
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